Dating... now taking applications.

So it's Friday... and I feel like I need to tell you a story. So I will, because this is MY blernal and in here I can write whatever I feel the urge to and you can just ignore me.  It's fantastic.

So I feel like discussing awkward dates... (please participate by commenting with the most awkward date you have ever been on... I love those stories) so I will share mine with you.

This isn't going to be my most fun blernal post but I think it shows you just how interesting and eventful my life has been thus far in the realm of "relationship building".

So some of you know that I have recently joined a dating website.  I can't justify the why because sometimes I just do weird (expensive) things that (at that point in time) seem like the think that I want to do to make me happy.  Wellll.... This is my second time on this particular dating website.  The first time didn't go well at all so I don't really understand why I foolishly paid AGAIN to have a website find THAT GUY for me based on what type of music I listen to and my favorite color.  But I digress.  So I'm back on this website and let me tell you, I've gotten the cream of the crop.  Here is a note I got just the other day from someone in Chicago, IL, age 42:

"hi you look cute n sexy ! do u wanna be my gf ? i support u financially and make u happy babe !"

I think I was absent the day they taught you how to respond to this kind of behavior.  I was dumbfounded...  So I kindly responded:

"First of all, don't call me sexy.  It offends me and aI don't like it.  Second, no, I do not want to be your girlfriend.  While the "happy" sounds nice, I don't think we have the same goals and aspirations for our relationship.  Good luck at finding whatever it is that you call "love"."

Which when thinking about it, isn't that bad...

DATE #1

I went on a date (last time I was on the website) with a guy named Ryan.  I can tell you his name because it's a normal name... like "Joe" or "John" or.... "Ryan".  So Ryan was a lawyer, and a rather good looking man.  All seemed great on paper.  Then we went on a date. Oy..

Our date began at the Science Museum (sounds pretty cool... just wait).  We met there and walked inside to go pay for the things we wanted to do.  He decided we would just do it all (movie on Arabia, Dead Sea Scrolls, and general admission).  Which wasn't bad, it all sounded fun... just moderately pricey.  So we started with the Dead Sea Scrolls... For those of you that don't know what they are: They are a collection of 972 texts from the Hebrew Bible and other biblical documents. 

We walked into the exhibit and out of no where comes these expletives like a slap in the face... they just kept coming like he had somehow in the past 3 minutes obtained tourettes and lost complete control of all thoughts that crept into his mind. 

Anyhow, I was mortified and people were getting increasingly ticked off so I scurried to the front of the line (followed by this walking curse word) to ensure a quick departure from the room with the walls that were closing in on me.  We then went to the movie on Arabian culture (amazing).  Which he slept through.  Might I also add that this man had been suffering a mild to moderate chest cold and managed to snore like a diesel fueled Mack truck.  That didn't draw Any attention to us.  In the over-sold theater.  He woke up in time for the credits to roll.

Long story short, he ended the date with a comment about how high my price tag was, how I didn't talk much (for Pete's sake!! Give me a second to fit in a word or two), and proceeded to follow those statements with a pass at a kiss. Come on.... this girl has standards.  

I called my dad on my way home.  I was crying. Of sheer excitement to have escaped from one of the most traumatic dates I'd ever been on.

DATE #2 

Basically an uneventful date with a cop that ended in a movie at the theater and a phone call that said I'm "average and don't meet expectations".  Direct quote.  Self esteem booster if I do say so myself!

DATE #3

Most recently, a date this past Monday with another cop (I have GOT to start dating on the other side of the law!!) that didn't go wonderful... His name I cannot tell you because it's uniquely average... meaning it's spelled incorrectly.  At least that is what I've convinced myself.  How embarrassing to have spelled your child's name wrong on their birth certificate.  

We had been talking numerous times daily (phone, texting, etc) and it was always really smooth conversation.  We never ran out of things to talk about...

Anyway, we went on a decent abnormal date: Take-out Chinese and fishing on the shore of one of our many fine lakes here in MN.  We were laughing and having a good time the whole time...  However, I left the date feeling a bit 'off'.  I don't think I didn't have fun (double negative, yes) but I wasn't sure if I had fun.  It was one of those dates where you go home afterward and you're simply confused.  Well I had told him I would call him the next day (Tuesday) when I had a break in work.  I eventually called him at 3pm (after I had tried to figure out how I felt about the date) and didn't get an answer.  I drove to Lacrosse for work and at about 11:56pm in my hotel room I got a text message that read:

No Name: Hey Rebecca, I had a good time with you yesterday but I don't see this working out so I wanted to make sure you understood how I feel.

I didn't understand... I didn't even understand how I felt.... and sending that in a text?  Certainly didn't clear anything up, did it?  Who knows.  My feelings were hurt.  Text messages are hurtful.  My only ex said he wanted to "go our separate ways" in a text.  That sucked too.

I was telling Melissa (the married, oh-so-subtle sister) about this and here was her response (bless her heart for trying to make me feel better):

     Melissa

     he is gay.

     you don't need him

     he wasn't cute anyhow

     you can do better

     he is too old

     I don't like his mom

     he's married

     he has tropical fish (this is an inside joke)

     WHEW!

     done

*She charges per encouraging advisory statement.  Buyers beware.

So I don't know that I will do a dating site again.  But that's what I said last time.For those of you that it works for, Keep on keepin' on.

Just another day in the life... Dating isn't my favorite.

Rebecca