Another couple of first dates, another couple of heart breaks. Actually just one of each.
I met this guy online (which I promise you I will never ever do again)... We will call him Somebody. He asked me on a date a couple of months ago, January or something, after about 3 months of talking and I said no.
Now the reason I said no was because of a couple of reasons, but the primary reason is that at 24 years old, I didn't think I was prepared to take on kids (3) let alone kids that the eldest was nearer to my age than HE was. The secondary reason was that I was worried about the stages we were at in our lives. He is 10 years older than me.
He asked again a couple of months later and I still said no. Finally, after his third time asking, we went on our first date on May 31. His picture was really cute but he was a LOT better looking in person, I mean Wow. I walked in and he was sitting down and smiled at me. He was a chatty fella, and since we had been talking for so long before we finally met, it was like we had known eachother for 6 months. Which we sort of did.
Anyway, we ate lunch (which was pretty delicious) and parted ways with a hug. I got a call that night from him saying how much fun he had and that he would like to see me again.
*Now, being a girl that's perpetually single, know that there is tremendous novelty in someone being interested!
I said sure but I was going to be gone for over a week. The following night was my birthday (see post tomorrow) and I wanted to tell people about my date but there is something you need to know about twins... When you have a birthday, SO DO THEY! It's not a bad thing, but you think twice about the level of attention you draw to yourself because attention is limited. I wanted to keep it about the both of us :)
Anyway, we went on a second date and he came to a volleyball game of mine. We started spending 4-5 days a week together if I was at home. Eventually I started to notice some personality traits about him that I started to ponder. Things that made me a little edgy about "us".
I had invited him to come to our family fourth of July trip with us (in a later post) already so I had a solid 4-nights and 5-days to determine if this is what I wanted... He ended up bringing his daughter who invited her friend. We were like a small little family going on a vacation (insert becca-freakout moment).
The vacation was a BLAST but I learned a couple more things about us that I didn't like at all. This was solidified on our drive home and I realized that of the 7 weeks we had been together, I spent 2.5 weeks wondering if this is what "joy" is.
Well it wasn't.
And at 24, I'm not ready to settle for what might be happiness. I want what IS happiness.
Tuesday night we had a conversation and ended it. There are hurt feelings (and were harsh words and feelings exposed), but I'm at peace with the decision.
The reason I am writing this to you is that I think it's important to understand what I believe leads to a great relationship (and why I am still single). What I have learned from this experience is that it takes very special care to introduce someone to kids - maybe I was introduced to his too early on (hence the freak out?)? I'm not sure.
Also, there are no circumstances where it is o.k. to settle for what you THINK is happiness and joy. "Sometimes" isn't good enough... Both parties in the couple need to be equals, one can't be made to feel like a lesser being, or small. Contribution is important...
Have you ever gone on dates with OR dated someone that made you think twice about what it REALLY is that you're looking for?
I can tell you that my family is the reason that I am contentedly writing this post knowing that even though he is a Very nice guy (and appealing to the eye), I made the right decision. They support me through the analysis of my situation, and will sit there and listen to me whine and feel sorry for myself (while dad sings "another one bites the dust").
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| I love him anyway. :) |
Just another day...
Love to all :)
Rebecca
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